Lord, I'm Fine
by HipBonez
Summary: Christmas songs float from loudspeakers, snow drifts from the sky, colored lights illuminate the cold air; and Murdoc hates every bit of it. 2-D x Murdoc !Slash! Chapter 2 Up
1. Lost

**Title:** Lord, I'm Fine [El Manana // Gorillaz]  
**Rating:** T [may be pushed higher]  
**Pairings:** Murdoc x 2-D  
**Plot:** Christmas songs float from loudspeakers, snow drifts from the sky, colored lights illuminate the cold air; and Murdoc hates every bit of it.

**AN:** Alrighty. I have not written in over a year, and this is my first Gorillaz fanfiction, so constructive critisizm is encouraged. Christmas is around the corner, and I haven't been able to find any 2DxMurdoc christmas fanfiction yet, so I thought I'd write my own.  
The layout of the studio is based mainly on the website. I'm gonna try to make these chapters kinda long. Enjoy, and feel free to give suggestions. C:

**!!!EDIT!!!  
**So I was just browsing through the Gorillaz fanfiction, and actually, there is already a 2DxMurdoc Christmas fic.  
Face, meet palm.  
The summaries are awfully similar too, so I might change mine to avoid getting called out on it. :I  
Since I've got the first chapter all written out, I'm gonna go ahead and upload it. If anybody has any problems with it, then I'll just delete it or something.  
In the meantime, check out -naiteki-kyuuri-'s fanfiction A Christmas to Remember! _so i don't get attacked for slacking on my research..._

**This Chapter's Warnings:** Lots of Language.

* * *

"Fucking holidays!" The bassist shouted, tugging at the web of lights that 'decorated' his beloved Winnebago. It was only forty-one dreadful hours into the twelfth dreadful month of the year, and already Kong Studios was starting to look like Opryland. Brightly colored Christmas lights were strung in almost every room, and the last time he'd dared to leave the car park, the other band members were setting up a fir tree in the main floor lobby. Until now, Murdoc's Winnebago had been the only thing to escape the Christmas fever.

If there was one thing Murdoc despised, it was Christmas. The idea that it was the birthday of his idol's rival was only half of the cause for his hatred. Christmas had never been a good day in his childhood. Hell, no holiday had been; but Christmas was definitely the worst.

With a final tug, the lights dislodged from the trailer and clattered to the floor. _Fucking Christmas... fucking 2-D and Noodle and Fatass..._

Murdoc started for the door to 2-Ds room. He paused for a moment and considered grabbing a gun out of the Winne, but even if he didn't fire the thing, he knew it would only earn him a lecture from Russel. Murdoc kicked open the door to his singer's room, finding that the lights were off and the only moving thing was the 3-screen Ping-Pong on the wall. The bassist stopped to take out his anger on the various cluttered items, turning over his bed and throwing things across the room. He continued through the studio's many rooms, walking without thinking where he was going to go until the sound of voices reached him. Murdoc turned down the hall and burst into the lobby to see 2-D attempting to wiggle his way out from under the massive tree, while Noodle, Russel, and the newly arrived Del made small attempts to move the fir, clutching their sides and roaring with laughter. Murdoc didn't so much as chuckle.

"Which on'a you fuckers put x-mas lights on the Winne?!" He roared, emphasizing the 'x'.  
The group stopped laughing immediately and looked up at the tall man. Everyone but 2-D, that was.

"Murdoc-san, I was the one who plac-" Noodle began, but was quickly cut off by 2-D.

"'twas me... sorry mate, I 'idn't fink you'd mind..." He said quietly, finally making some progress in wiggling out from the tree.

Murdoc was on top of him in a second, yanking him the rest of the way out and throwing him across the room. 2-D flinched as his back and head collided with the wall, creating a loud bang that seemed to resonate through the studio.  
"Listen you little fucker, if you ever pull off shit like that again, I'll pound in the rest of your face!" Murdoc growled, punching the azure-haired front man in the gut for good measure. 2-D doubled over, clutching his stomach and groaning. He lifted his chin to give the Satanist the most pathetic look he could imagine, and received a kick in the ribs for it. Murdoc turned and stomped toward the kitchen. The others didn't move to help their singer till they heard the balcony door slam shut.

---

The black haired man closed his eyes and took a drag off his cigarette. He was only wearing his infamous grey sweater and some jeans, but the cold didn't bother him terribly. It soothed his nerves and made everything numb, like how it should have felt when he kicked the pretty boy front-man. Little white flakes trickled from the sky and blanketed the scene before him, turning everything into a blindingly white oblivion._  
Wish I could be like that. Blank. _Murdoc thought.  
Something had happened when he kicked the boy. Something that had never happened before. He'd felt what could only be described as guilt, where that emotion had never appeared before. It didn't make any sense. Hell, he'd run the poor boy... the dumbass over twice, and didn't feel any bit of regret. Why was it rearing its ugly head now of all times? Murdoc slowly opened his eyes as he threw the still-burning cigarette into the snow. Must just be the cold getting to me, he decided, turning to walk back in. He was met by an innocent, young face staring at him though the glass door. Of all people to talk to him about this, it had to be Noodle. Sweet Satan.

She slowly opened the door and shut it behind her quietly, her boots crunching against the thin layer of snow as she jumped on the rail and sat precariously on edge. Murdoc leaned back into the corner, placing his elbows on either side of him. They stayed quiet for a while, the only sounds being the breath that hissed from their lips and the click of Murdoc's lighter as he light another cigarette.

"2-D was only trying to make the car park look brighter." The unavoidable statement echoed through Murdoc's mind.

"Without my permission." He muttered gruffly.

"I did not realize he was in need of permission to do a kind deed."

Noodle's statement caught Murdoc off guard slightly. He wasn't used to her being so... blunt. But that was the irony of it all. She was like the mother of the band. Murdoc nodded and gave her a soft pat on the shoulder before stomping the second fag into the snow and heading back into the heat of the studio.

---

The tall young man sat on his now-righted mattress, holding a keyboard in his lap and idly pressing a few keys. The physical pain had subsided after he'd taking his pain medication, but the ache in his chest throbbed strong. When this had first happened, not long after the band had gotten together, 2-D thought he was having some sort of heart attack. After a while, he discovered that this feeling could be dulled if his distracted himself-- talking to Noodle, walking through the landfill, writing music... but every time Murdoc hit him, the ache would return to keep him up all night. He hated it, but he had no idea what could cure it.

"Murdoc is like... God." He thought aloud, chuckling at it without really knowing what was funny. That was when the idea hit him. He sang the line awkwardly a few times before taking away the 'like' and finding a pitch he liked. He grabbed his notepad, scribbled down the lyrics (although, he was sure we wouldn't forget them) and began hitting different keys on his keyboard. He finally found a tune that fit, and added on to it bit by bit. He was so involved in his work; he didn't even hear his door open.

"Murdoc is... oh! M-Mudsy! I eh..." 2-D stuttered awkwardly, gazing at the man who was giving him a skeptical look. He could feel his face getting warmer. Had Murdoc heard him?

"Eh... sorry about earlier, faceac... Stu." Murdoc said gruffly, his eyes focused on his boots.

"Oh, uh, 'tis fine. Fink you could... leave? Sorry." The taller man felt bad for rushing him out when he was finally getting an apology, but he was itching to keep working on the song. He still needed to tell Noodle and Russel, and get them to figure a way to make the song sound more Murdoc-ish...

"Whatever." The bassist snapped him out of his thoughts, spinning on his heel and briskly heading into the car park. 2-D sighed, but quickly swallowed his guilt and pushed the keyboard off his lap and onto the safety of his pillow. Notepad in hand, he hurried out his room and to the lift, pressing the button that would take him to Noodle's floor.

"It's coming up... It's coming up... It's coming up... Its there!" The signs flashed at him. The azure haired man smiled and stepped through doors as soon as they opened, his foot still tapping to the beat of his new song.

---

"I try to apologize, and what does he do? Fucking blows me off! Tells me to leave! Ungrateful little shit."  
The shout echoed against the Winnebago's walls, heard only by the drunken man and the grimy black crow that sat on the steering wheel. It just wasn't fair. He created this band, he set them up for fame and fortune, he should have every right to kick and punch that stupid boy all he wanted. His voice was the only useful thing left anyways. But then that little Wassabi bitch had to come and make him feel bad. Her few, but well-chosen words stung even more than Russ' lectures usually did. Or maybe that was just the look in 2-D's eyes when he'd kicked him. He was too drunk to remember.

He jumped to his feet and took a step toward the bathroom, but had to stop and clutch onto the door frame as the Winnebago's clutter swam around him. He stared at the black blur he assumed was Cortez'. Such a fucking weird bird, hanging out with an old drunk when he could be flying free or fucking babes or whatever birds did... _fuck, I'm drunk._

Stumbling the rest of the way, Murdoc tried to empty his stomach into the toilet, but was met by resistance. Too much drinking had built up his tolerance.

"Sweet Satan, my head..." he moaned, clutching onto the sink with one hand while turning one of the rusty knobs with the other. Black-tinged liquid spewed into the sink, and he waited till it rain clear before dipping his hand in and brushing it across his face. The man looked up into the dirty mirror before him, his image seeming to wiggle slightly.

"Lookit' you... fucking pitiful... forty and living with a bunch of fucking kids... in a fucking trashy trailer with a fucking bird and all that... fucking alcohol... fucking..." by the time his vision blacked out, he'd lost track of how many times he'd said the word.

* * *

**AN: **Hope you enjoyed. I'm gonna wait till I get a couple of reviews before I upload the second chapter, just to make sure its safe to go on.  
| click it.  
V you know you want to.


	2. Mind

**Title:** Lord, I'm Fine [El Manana // Gorillaz]  
**Rating:** T [may be pushed higher]  
**Pairings:** Murdoc x 2-D  
**Plot:** Christmas songs float from loudspeakers, snow drifts from the sky, colored lights illuminate the cold air; and Murdoc hates every bit of it.

**AN:** Sorry if this chapter seems rushed, and that it took so long to get up. I've been having migraines [I feel for you, D!] and writers-block. Most of it was written at midnight because I wanted to hurry and put it up. I'm gonna be visiting family for thanksgiving, and they don't have internet, so I won't be able to update till Saturday or so.  
But! I'll take my laptop with and write the next chapter while I'm there. :D  
HUUUUUGE lessthanthrees to everyone who reviewed. You guys really inspired me to keep the story going. Thanks so much!

**This Chapter's Warnings:** Lots of Language.

* * *

Light filtered through the grimy windows and blinds, creating odd striped patterns on the stain-covered carpet. The only sound was a low snoring and the occasional caw of a crow that sat on the sink faucet.

The crow's head twitched around to survey the Winnebago. If, by some strange happenstance, you were able to tell what a crow is thinking, you would know that Cortez is a very hungry bird. What do birds do when they are very hungry?

They pester humans for food, of course.

The black bird landed atop a greasy-haired head and began pecking gently at the man's crooked nose.

"Oi." The man growled, raising an unsteady hand to swat at the bird. Another peck.

"Fuck, Cortez…" The man flipped onto his back and closed his eyes against the bright bathroom light. Another pecking attack was aimed at the top of his head. "Alright!" The bassist groaned and sat up, waiting for the world to align itself before rising to his feet. Cortez flew into the kitchen, Murdoc following him to where a bag of rotting meat sat on the shelf. "Jeeze, couldn'ta used that beak to get it yourself? Damn bird." He opened the bag and emptied half on the counter. The bird immodestly dug into it, ripping it up bit by bit. Murdoc trudged back to the bathroom and splashed more water onto his face. He turned his head side to side, both surveying his stubble and trying to relieve the cramp in his neck that had formed from sleeping on the floor. _Maybe I should shave today._

It took a while, but he was finally able to find a shirt and pants. He pulled on his boots and took one final check over everything. Though Murdoc seemed reckless and messy, he was always careful when it came to things like his Winnebago. Cortez had finished eating and had returned to his spot on the sink faucet. Nothing was out of place or in any danger of setting flame to the trailer. It was all the same. Murdoc liked that.

He gave Cortez a quick pat and muttered "Be back tonight. Watch the Winne."

The black haired man stumbled into the car lot, blindsided by a wall of freezing air. Even with the entrance to Hell nearby, the lot was still cold in winter. He hurried around the Geep and into the main hallway, shutting the door tightly behind him. The sound of an odd, rough noise floated in from the ceiling, causing bits of plaster to shake loose and scatter onto the carpet.

Murdoc quirked an eyebrow and pressed the button on the lift that would take him to the 'music' floor. _Did we have practice today...?_

As the lift slowly rose, the noises became louder and making his already throbbing head more unstandable. How in hell did 2-D stand those migraines?  
Murdoc felt a slight pinch in his chest. _He wouldn't have migraines if it weren't for you._

He didn't have much time to dwell on the thought. As soon as the lift doors slid open, he was nearly knocked over by the loud mixture of instruments. What song was this?

The Satanist slowly slipped his head into the recording room, hoping nobody would notice.

"Murdoc-san!" Noodle chimed.

So much for going unnoticed. "Hey love. What're you up to?" His gaze flickered between his band mates, a noticeable blush creeping over 2-D's face. Murdoc quirked an eyebrow.

"We was just writin' a song... s'posed to be your Christmas present but… wanna 'ear?" 2-D muttered. Murdoc nodded slowly, confused, and Russel counted off.

"One, two, three, four!"

"Murdoc is god..."

A smile immediately stretched across the bassist's face.

---

By the time the band was exiting their recording room, they had added the bass along with a new solo onto the song- now appropriately named "Murdoc is God".

Murdoc followed his singer into the kitchen. Russel was already riffling through the fridge, and Noodle headed off to her room.

"So D, issat why you rushed me outta your room?"

The singer nodded and grinned, showing off the large gap in his mouth. There was that pinch again. Checking to see that Russel was still preoccupied with the refrigerator, Murdoc awkwardly slung one arm around the thin man, giving him a few pats on the back. He felt the singer flinch under him, and realized it must've been where he'd thrown the man into the wall.

Goddamn it.

"Hey... D." The Satanist said quietly so Russel wouldn't overhear. "Do you want me to... If..." He searched for the right words that would offer his kindness, but allow him to keep his pride.

He wasn't having much luck.

"Want to help me decorate... some of the outside of Kong? I mean, we need to make an appearance for our f-" He was cut off as 2-D wrapped his arms around Murdoc's neck and hugged him tight.

"No need to get all grabby, mate..." The bassist muttered, trying to convince himself as much as the singer that he didn't like it.

"I'll get the lights! Could you get the ladder?" 2-D chirped and ran toward the lift without even waiting for an answer. Murdoc chuckled softly and sauntered over to the lift, tapping his foot as he waited for it to come back up. Apparently 2-D hadn't realized Murdoc had to get to the basement too.

_That boy can be so stupid..._

_No. _Murdoc mentally kicked himself. 2-D wasn't that stupid. _And he'd be smarter if you hadn't put him in a coma._

The loud ding of the lift made the bassist jump slightly. He hurried in it and back out on the ground level, down the hall and into the car lot. The wall of cold air hit him again at full force, and he bustled past 2-D's room and into a crack in the wall. Another lift-like device, this one with a spinning orange light on top, took him down into a series of cement hallways. The air down here was slightly warmer, due to the gateway to hell being nearby and whatnot.

Murdoc headed toward one of the many storage rooms, slowing as rustling noises alerted him to a presence inside. The light was already on, so it couldn't be a rat. There was a strong possibility it could be a demon or a zombie, making Murdoc careful in his approach.

The Satanist inched his way back to the lift and into another storage room where a Nazi-clothed skeleton lay limp in its chair. He yanked the gun from its hands before returning to the other room. He inhaled deeply, jumped in front of the doorframe, and let out a half-grunt, half war-cry. His cry was met by a terrified scream as a blue-haired man let behind a submarine that lay in the middle of the cluttered room.

Murdoc laughed loudly and bent over, placing his hands on his knees to support himself.

"Mudsy! You scared the hell outta me!" 2-D peeked out from behind the yellow submarine. Murdoc looked up and stopped laughing. Atop the singer's head was a lopsided gold crown, and wrapped around his shoulders was a purple cape that was entirely too big for him. It looked absolutely adorable.

"Hey, my cape and crown! Where'd you find them?" Murdoc smiled and picked his way through the clutter.

"I was looking for the big lights and I found it. It's really warm." The singer said softly, pulling the cape around him tightly.

"You can wear it. If you want." Murdoc mumbled, pretending to be searching for the roof lights.

The pair riffled through the clutter of the storage room for a while, reminiscing when they found props used for their videos and photoshoots. By the time they'd found the lights, the sun was beginning to set. Before they went outside, 2-D insisted Murdoc put on warmer clothes, and forced him to wear one of 2-D's scarves. After a bit of arguing Murdoc gave in and wore a striped black and white scarf. It didn't look half bad.

They went to work quickly, taking turns holding the ladder and putting up the lights. Murdoc tried to look anywhere but at 2-D's ass when the azure-haired man was stringing the lights. It wasn't working.

"Finished!" 2-D called as he slid down the ladder, almost landing on top of Murdoc. The duo headed down the hill and little further into the landfill to gaze at the newly decorated Kong Studios. Bright multicolored bulbs were strung on all of the lower balconies and edges, flashing in random patterns and reflecting against the shaded windows. It looked amazing.

They found an old rusty barrel and turned it on its side to use as a seat. The barrel was just long enough to give them both sitting room. They told themselves that was the only reason 2-D was nearly in Murdoc's lap.

"'Ey Mudsy... why'd you wanna help me with the lights? You never seem to want to do anything with me..." 2-D inquired, staring intently at the man. The cape was still pulled tight around his shoulders.

_You never seem to want to do anything with me..._ Murdoc sighed. He knew this was coming.

"Well, I felt like I should... give you something in return for the song, y'know?"

"But that was meant to be a gift! You didn't have t-"

"I know. I... felt bad. For hurting you." Murdoc cut him off, his eyes downcast. _There goes my pride_.

"Oh... thanks, mate. But it didn't hurt that bad, and I've gotten used to being hit..." 2-D said softly, putting a hand on Murdoc's shoulder cautiously. He quickly pulled it back as the bassist sprung to his feet and glared at him. The singer began to flinch away, as if about to be hit, but was frozen when he looked into the man's mismatched eyes. Replaced by their usual anger and loathing, was a deep sadness.

"Exactly! You shouldn't be used to being beaten! You should have visible eyes and all your teeth, and be able to play music without needing to take medication for migraines, which you wouldn't have if it weren't for me. You should hate me." Murdoc added on, his voice becoming quiet and feeble. This was a whole new side of Murdoc that 2-D had never seen before, and he wasn't about to waste it.

The singer rose to his feet and slowly, carefully, wrapped his arms around the bassist's neck. The black-haired man gazed at him, understanding completely what was about to happen.

He wanted it. Satan, he wanted it so bad. But he knew a simple kiss could change everything.

Murdoc didn't like change.

With a grunt and a soft, yet firm hold, the bassist pushed the man's arms away from him. "D. I can't." It was all he was able to force out. 2-D stared at him for a while, confused. Murdoc found he couldn't look up at him. Finally the singer seemed to understand. "Oh... alright." He mumbled, his voice cracking slightly. Suddenly the blue-haired man turned and set a brisk pace toward the studio. Murdoc looked up just in time to see the corners of 2-D's black eyes shining with tears.

"Damnit... hey, faceache, wait!" He called. 2-D ignored him.

---

Noodle jumped slightly as the sound of a door being slammed shook the studio. She glanced at the clock sitting on her bedside table.

"It will soon be midnight. Why is someone up?" She thought aloud, earning her a muffled answer from Shaun's hidden room. The Japanese girl placed her gameboy on pause and set it on the pillow next to her before climbing out of the bed and tip-toeing to her door. It was doubtful that anyone who made that much noise would hear her coming, but there were always other things hiding in the dark corners of the studio.

While passing the hall window, Noodle noticed there was a soft glow coming from outside. _Christmas lights?_

She decided against using the lift, and instead used the rusty emergency escape stairs. Deciding the loud noise had probably come from the ground level-- the car lot, more specifically, she went there first. Tip-toeing her way down the hall, she slowly opened the door, and would have screamed had the figure that appeared before her not put their hand over her mouth.

"Noodle! Calm down! It's D- hey!" He yelled as the guitarist sank her teeth into his hand. It took a bit of shaking to get her off.

"Why are you awake?!" She demanded, shooting daggers at him. "It's nothing. Just got done with the lights and I couldn't sleep. Sorry." He whispered while attempting to push past her.

"If it were nothing, you would not try to avoid it." She said harshly. 2-D sighed and let his gaze wander to the Winnebago for only a second. But even with her purple bangs covering them, Noodle's eyes caught everything.

"2-D-kun, why are you looking at Murdoc-san's Winnebago like that?" She said a bit more gently. 2-D gazed at her for a moment before replying, "Let's head to the kitchen so I can get my meds. I'll tell you there." Noodle nodded and led the way to the lift and into the kitchen. The guitarist lifted herself on the table while 2-D riffled through the medicine cabinet. Neither spoke until the singer had dry-swallowed the pills and joined Noodle at the table.

"Noodle... do you ever get this feeling... that your heart is flying? Or sometimes, it's been beaten with a hammer 'till it's all broken?" _Or been run over by a Vauxhall Astra._

"I believe that is called love and heartbreak, 2-D-kun."

"Yeah, but... have you ever felt like that... around someone you knew you shouldn't?" He could feel Noodle's gaze on him now. A hand rested on his shoulder, making him flinch slightly. "2-D-kun... do you love Murdoc-san?" 2-D flinched and finally allowed his gaze to wander over to Noodle. He was surprised to find that her face was lit with a smile. "I... I guess I do." He said with more confidence. He couldn't remember being in love since Paula, and it felt weird to admit it again. "But... there's no way he feels the same. He hates me." The singer's gaze floated back to his shoes.

"Murdoc-san may seem mean, but he does not hate you."

"But he's always hitting me, and today..." 2-D took a deep breath. "Today I tried to... kiss him... and he pushed me away... said he couldn't..."

"Just because he 'can't' does not mean he does not want to. Perhaps Murdoc-san is afraid."

"Murdoc, afraid? Of what?"

"Everyone feels fear. Even Murdoc-san." Her hand slipped off his shoulder as she jumped off the table. "Goodnight, 2-D-kun." Noodle said quietly, turning down the hall.

* * *

**AN: **Sorry this chapter was kinda ANGSTBAWWW and ooc. I'll fix it up when I get back.  
Reviews are much appreciated. 3


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